I felt the need to sit down and write some things to you in light of some events happening around me that I find rather disheartening, and actually, down right disgusting.
When I marry your son, I do not consider it taking him away from you guys. Instead, I see it as the joining of me to your family. Neither do I see it as a shunning of my own family. The two coexist happily and joyously and I am privileged to belong to both.
When you invite me to dinner, be it a special occasion or just a nice break from the normal routine of the week, I take it as an honor and refuse to blow it off or not show up. If anything were to happen to prevent me from coming, such as coming down with the flu or even having a bad day, I would heartily apologize (and mean it) and be sure to take a rain check.
On the flip side, I will invite you to dinner, be it a special occasion or just a nice break from the normal routine of the week, I take it as an honor to have you at my table. Should you come down with the flu or have a bad day, I will not hold it against you if you can't make it.
I refuse to nitpick at your relationship with your son and chime in with my own opinions of it. To me, this is off limits. You created him and raised him, therefore, I think you've earned the right to have some personal territory with him. And if by chance I do butt myself in, please feel free to put me in my place. This will wake me up from my oh-so-unpleasing attitude.
I am excited at the chance to spend time with you, even if your son isn't able to join us. I refuse to be the girl who cringes at the thought. What a blessing it will be to be able to pick your brain and discuss life with the very people who shaped my husband into the person I fell in love with! And I really hope you feel the same way towards me. If you don't, I will give it my all to change your feelings.
I promise to treat your son with respect and dignity. I fully understand that I am his wife and not the other way around. No matter what busy day I've had, he will not know what it is like to come home to someone who lacks the love and passion to make him dinner. I will take pride in preparing something tasty and nutritious. Also, there will not be junk and/or trash everywhere around the house. I do not keep things tidy because I'm a neat freak, but because that's how I'll show my affection and dedication for our partnership. Just the same as how he'll check the oil in my car and take out the trash. It won't be done out of obligation, but opportunity to show I care. If I were to take little care in these matters, I would see how that is a direct slap in the face to your trusting me to take care of him.
By the same token, I refuse to be his mother. A man needs a wife and a mom. A mom can't be a wife, and a wife can't be a mom. So if he comes crying to you about something stressing him out, needing the emotional comfort you've given since birth, I won't be jealous, but instead grateful that you're willing to give it to him. He trusts you with his heart, and so do I.
When the day comes when our little bundles of joy arrive, I am just as happy for you as I am for us. I am blessed and honored to be able to give you the joys of grandparenthood. I REFUSE to deprive you of the weekends at grammy and grammpy's house, the grandpa and grandson fishing trips, and the grandma and granddaughter afternoon lunch and shopping excursions. Those are things I did not get to have much of (for various reasons), so I want to make sure you get to have as much of those as you can. Please know that it is two-sided though, I want my parents to have those things too. I promise I will not play favorites, you will get as much time as they do. I know it will be hard cause they will be the most precious little souls on this earth, but we will just have to share.
Along the same lines, I promise to make a serious effort to spend time with you on holidays. Of course I want to spend time with my family too, but I promise to make it as even as I possibly can. I won't play favorites. =0)
I also promise to not give you garbage from garage sales as your Christmas/Birthday/Anniversary gifts. If it looks antique, trust me..I would have gotten from an antique shop. I care what I give to you and I will have put a lot of thought and effort into thinking of something that you'd really love. If you don't, please fake it..I will be crushed, I have a soft heart. By the same token, if you give me something I don't love, I will promise to be gracious and fake it too..no matter how ugly the sweater may be..even if it has flashing Christmas lights on it...you bought it for me...I will wear it.
Finally, when the days come when you are old and gray, I will gladly take care of you. I will do everything in my power to not stick you in a nursing home. I feel very strongly about this, as I wouldn't want someone sticking me in a place like that either. If you're in the hospital, I will be sure to make sure the doctors are the best of the best and that they take proper care of you. This may even put off possible boyfriends of the future, but if it does..they are history..he should love his parents enough to want to take care of them too!
Sincerely with love,
Your daughter
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