Truth to the Men

...a reactionary movement.


Let me start by saying I have mixed feelings about writing this blog. I am mainly writing it as a reaction to the girl version. ;0) But really, I don't think it's fair to group everyone in one boat. We're all different. Also, the people who don't get it, never have and probably never will. Chances are they'll settle down with the wrong person because they're looking for the 'perfect match' and I'm sorry to break it to you, but that does not exist. There's soul mates I do believe, but even those have extremely high HIGHS! and extremely low LOWS!! Trouble arises when people do not want to put the WORK that it truly takes into a relationship. So this is more of a fun read.


"I want a woman who respects herself."
A lot of men say this, yet they don't give a second look to the girl modestly dressed. Our culture is so oversexed we've become desensitized to thinking 'normal' is pretty. Rarely does a guy whistle at me when I'm in a plain t-shirt and jeans. But the second I wear a skirt (and do keep in mind, with the exception of a wedding I went to recently, my skirts are all right below the knee), I get cat calls like you would not believe. "Ulgh" is my response. Dress is usually a good initial precursor to whether a woman respects herself or not. But an even better one is the list of guys she's dated (I'm meaning quantity AND quality here). Women who do not respect themselves and are looking for lots of outward affirmation (because she didn't get it from her father) typically have dated and/or slept with many a men. They are truly looking for a father, not a date. These girls need time alone to mature more than anything, stay far away.


A woman who respects herself has:
*A short list of boyfriends (she is careful with whom she doles out the treasures of her heart)
*Has serious goals (whether it's to be a mom, a college graduate, etc.)
*Occupies her time with clean activities (shy on the going out every night - clubbing, bars, etc.)
*Has many clean female friends (this sounds misplaced, but I assure you that a woman who is comfortable with herself gets along great with other females; she does not feel she is in a long-running competition with the women of the world for the most eligible bachelor).

"I don't know how to approach a girl."
I laugh at this one. A huge problem with guys these days is that they're just too darned shy. The cardinal rule IS and SHOULD BE that a girl never asks a guy out. This is NOT the way God invented it. Even once you're in a relationship, it is the man's responsibility to lead. Sorry 21st century women, you're not supposed to be calling the shots. If you're hoping she'll come to you, you're going to be waiting an awfully long time. As far as the means to approaching, here are some ground rules. Whistles and 'checking-out' looks get you taken off the list faster than McDonald's french fries. This is an instant indication that you don't respect us. As cheesy as it may sound, a simple "hi" or "you look nice today" will usually do the trick. We're not robots. There isn't really a set formula. We're just people, therefore, we respond best to personal connections. When we're walking down the street and you think we're cute, instead of letting your eyes drift downward, here's a tip... smile. We like those. (It also gives us a chance to make sure you've got all your teeth and there's no gold on them ;0).



"I'd clean my act up if I just had the right woman."
Bullllllllllllllllll. This isn't how it works. No woman is truly attracted to a bum. If you smoke, if you drink, if you don't have a job, if you don't have any goals or interests...you have no business putting yourself out on the 'market.' That's a good analogy, let's run with that. Attracting women is much like selling a house. Let's say you've got a 'For Sale' sign out on your lawn. But the shutters are really kinda falling apart. The shingles on the roof are a little loose and weathered. The paint is peeling off the trim. There is junk stacked up all around the porch and there is a less than kosher smell coming from the garage. Would you stop in to check the place out!? NO! Fixer uppers are always fixer uppers. No one has the time or energy these days to do a complete 180 of a house. We don't have the energy to fix up an entire other person either. Even if you clean yourself up temporarily, once the crap starts filtering out through the cracks in the septic tank (and trust me, the crap will come out sooner or later), we're probably going to make a run for it. These kinds of guys just need some good old fashioned time alone. Take pride in yourself. And please, take a shower.



"I want someone to share my life with."
This usually comes with a long list nested within it. Typically goes a little something like this: fun loving, beautiful, funny, smart, sexy, etc. etc. You're meeting girls and checking off boxes on your list while looking for perfection and what you think will make YOU happy. Let's blow the lid off this sucker right now. Ain't never gonna happen. You want a perfect girlfriend now and a perfect wife later. Perfect girlfriends usually make crappy wives. They're too darned self-absorbed putting all their efforts into getting their nails done and their hair bleached another shade of white, whoops..I mean blond..to notice what's going on with anyone else. Wife material and girlfriend material are two entirely different things. Wives put care and effort into others. They're the ones who always go the extra mile to make something extra special for SOMEBODY ELSE. (It makes sense if you think about it, a wife is the care giver in the marriage. Oh don't be shocked. Like you're going to clean up the vomit and diarrhea soaked sheets in the middle of the night while your kids are sick at 4am.) The girls who are manicured to a 't' are too self-absorbed. They're the kind that will miss their daughter's dance recital if it interferes with their hair appointment, instead of the straggly mom staying up all hours to make sure her costume is every little ballerina's dream. You want to know what you want if you truly want someone to share your life with? The straggly haired woman! Because believe it or not, THAT is what you will find so irresistible when you're 60.





"I want a girl who doesn't want me for my money."
Then quit going around saying how much you make. I went on a date a few months ago that almost made me throw up. The guy wouldn't shut up about how big his house was, how expensive his car was, and the only brands of clothes that were acceptable. "Well shoot, why did you ask me out then...I shop at Walmart and clearance racks! And I'm not changing my ways anytime soon!" I'll let you boys in on a little secret...most women are after your money. It means having the Lexus SUV, $900,000 house, and Coach luggage they've always wanted. If they don't have a dime in the bank of their own money, this is a good indication they're 'needing' some of yours. This should never be bait for a girl. You can let her know kindly that you're committed to being a provider for your family AFTER you've gotten pretty serious. That they will never go needy, but that they won't have everything. Run that line by her and watch her run.



“I don’t feel in love anymore!”
Me either! I had this barbie doll that broke my heart just as quick as her hair went flat. You see love is a passing emotion. I love trail-mix one day and chicken the next. Chances are that the woman you are with will change. Loving someone totally means learning to love them again and again. Quit letting your emotions lead you. (This one is perfect...except needed barbies ;0)..you know..every girl's wholesome role model).



"I want a good woman."
Or let's just say it...you want a virgin. This one is so flawed I can hardly stand it. Let me tell you boys, as a woman who hasn't had sex and been in relationships, you're asking a mighty big double standard. I have NEVER dated a virgin and never even had the opportunity. The pond is tainted. And let me tell you the natural course of events. You've had sex. You start a relationship with a woman who hasn't. And you start out just fine with that, you really think this time you can do without it. Then a few months pass by, it starts to get tough. You're really getting to know each other and you really like kissing her but you really feel the urge to be a little bit closer. So you start to push. A little more, a little more, until finally one of two things happens. A- You have sex. B- You don't have sex and you can't take it anymore. You leave. I'm a virgin, but by nature I don't want to be. I'm one of the few out there that will tell it like it is. Guys and girls are naturally sexually attracted to one another. This is healthy and natural. When I feel a guy I'm close with desires me in that way I feel attractive and sexy. I need to know he has that initial response so I don't feel like a drone. But when he starts to push the envelope, I'm torn. I like feeling attractive, but when it comes down to it I only want to feel that attraction the strongest from one man. So do all women. So stop pushing so hard. If you truly want someone who hasn't had sex, you have to give that back to them. You can't ask for that gift to be saved for you and then try to take it. However, this leaves a hole. In PLACE of those advances, you need to follow it up with a show of attraction that is respectable (BECAUSE WE NEED TO KNOW). When she gets to be too much for you to stand, don't try to make out with her...send her flowers. REALLY expensive ones (this will help you get a grip on those feelings..or else you'll go broke). When you're really serious, send her a purity ring. You get the idea. Double up on holding her hand and kissing her cheek. Don't ignore physical affirmation. MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT. The bigger a deal you make it in a pure sense (I mean the build up of flowers, poetry, etc. not pushing the pda), the bigger a deal it makes it to break it. If you try to close a lid on it, you're asking to get a room.



That's all I've got for the moment. But really, no two people are perfect. Both sexes are always going to clash. We all fight, sometimes to the point of exhaustion. At the end of the day, you find the person who gives you enough room to breathe and change while still holding onto your hand.